Traumatic Exeriences and Their Effect on Relationships

19 02 2010

Dear Dr. Lazlo

When I was younger I caught my brother beating off to Beverly Hills Cop. Now whenever I see him I get the song “heat is on” by the Pointer Sisters stuck in my head. It’s not a major problem because it’s a catchy tune and I dig women of colour. I just think it affecting our relationship.

thanks in advance

Drew Peacock
Hi Drew,

This is quite the pickle, isn’t it? I must say, and this is advice I give quite often to young people today, don’t ever let a movie get ruin a relationship. It has happened to me so many times before, let me tell you. I can no longer watch Weekend at Bernies because of an overzealous lover who had a penchant for fine wine, cheese snacks and buggery. In your situation, you pretty much only have one choice….and I think you know what I am about to say. You need to ‘get caught’ to one of his favourite movies.

That’s it in a nutshell.

Now, you need to choose a movie that you know he has en emotional attachment to. May I suggest, either Flashdance or Die Hard? Both equally brilliant movies and both of them have touched men of our generation for differing reasons. I suggest practice your timing so he walks in on you, man-wand in hand, during a critical scene. For Flashdance I suggest the bit where the song “What a Feeling” comes on. Apt, don’t you think.

For Die Hard, I believe the scene where he says “Yippee Ki Ay Mother fucker” would do the trick. For extra spite, try and ejaculate right as he walks in. You’ll need to train for this one though. I’ve done it myself. I manually stimulate myself while watching Antiques Roadshow nearly every afternoon and I try and time it so my seed erupts at the exact time the host quotes the price of an object. It’s a liberating experience, I must say.

I hope this helps your relationship with your brother.

Yours Truly

Dr. Lazlo Panaflex


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