Developing Online Relationships and Dealing with Freaky Weirdos

19 02 2010

Dear Dr. Lazlo,

Recently I got added on MSN by some random guy. He didn’t say anything for a week then he asks me if I can send him pictures of my feet. I thought to myself this guys is a little creepy. He then offered me $50 to send him pics and I’m not sure if I should or not, because I don’t want some seedy dude wanking over my sexy feet BUT then its money for nothing really

Thanks in advance for you help.

Yours Sincerely,

Boa.

Hello Boa.

Wow, isn’t it amazing what dilemmas can occur when you talk to random strangers online. When I first discovered the internecks I was enamoured with chat rooms and the sheer delight talking to a random strangers across the world. I used to frequent a model aeroplane forum which, after some time, started to be more about hardcore bondage and discipline than model planes. I used to be amazed at how quickly a thread about the merits of the F4 Phantom in the Vietnam War would turn into a discussion about nipple clamps and vigorous anal fisting. I actually got chatting with a lovely American lady called Sue who enjoyed researching the role of aeroplanes in WW2 and who was charming enough to begin with but ended up being a rather demanding dominant-top called Steve. This relationship got no further than me sending pictures to him of various household objects that I thought had insertion-potential. I had to end it all and change my MSN name because it turned out that Steve didn’t live in Alabama but was actually a Brisbane local who lived in a boarding house in West End. So I know your troubles.

What we need to look at first is your MSN account. Is it linked to any ‘profiles’ that show your face or more importantly, your feet? This is important because although you may value your innocence, 50 bucks is 50 bucks my friend. 50 dollars will buy you a carton of beer and a cask of wine or, if you are like me, a nice bottle of brandy and a couple of cigars. I enjoy a snifter of brandy from time to time and nothing screams ‘upper class’ better than a large cigar perched precariously in your mouth.

Vices aside, this is what I suggest. Don’t take a photo of your feet. This could lead to all kinds of troubles. Find a good friend, preferably someone who is of similar build to you. Then you can either:

a) Ask him nicely if you can take a photo of his feet so you have something to remind you of him; or
b) Get him really drunk and wait till he passes out and then take your time getting photos of his feet in various poses. Might I suggest a little toe-nail paint. You could also take photos of his genitals (erect or flaccid, your choice) just in case your ‘online pal’ wants to take things a little further. I am fairly sure the going rate for cock shots on the internet is $75. That’s 2 cartons of beer, my friend.

Then it is just a case of forwarding the pictures of your feet to your buddy on the intertubes and then reaping the benefits. You could even develop some sort of online foot album and get more money out of this freak. Be warned though, if you ever meet in real life you might want to wear some shoes. He might not take it lightly that you have strung him along with regards to his foot fetish and you may find yourself strung up like a Christmas ham in some weirdos basement waiting for the next session of ‘skin harvesting’ to begin. This is up to you. I don’t mind meeting online friends in real life because I like the element of danger associated with it. I also find awkward silences to be rather comforting. Do you?

I hope this helps. Feel free to also send me some foot photos…you know, for research purposes only.

Warmest Regards

Dr. Lazlo Panaflex

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